What am I doing out here?

Location: Hyderabad, AP, India

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Learning in the last one year:

As the Year 2006 is coming to a close, I see more and more people actually seem to be putting up stuff about their experiences in the last one week. I have found some that have been very interesting and some that are very interesting as they talk about the stuff that has touched them or places where they have touched others lives.

After reading a couple of the posts, I got real enthu and thought that maybe it I should also actually write something about my life in the last one year. I thought that his was a pretty decent year for me(as an individual) where everything had bene more or less in some kind of a quota. If I was looking at this year from a different perspective i.e. the social perspective, well then I have had a little more interesting happening instead of calling it a rollercoaster ride.. manageable would be the word to look for.

Let us see what are the many things that happened in the last one year.

The year began with one of my best friends getting married. The wedding(Mallu Wedding) was one of the better weddings I have been to.. there was no time wasted in the rituals. It started and before we knew it it was over. I would love to get married like that, instead of the elaborate weddings that we have here in Hyderabad. The wedding took place at Chengannserry, near Kottayam.
On the next day My flight back to Mumbai had got delayed by a couple of hours. I happened to meet this guy who heads the organization Help Age India, an NGO. He was telling me about what they do and stuff like that and I don’t know why but I had thought maybe I should do something from my side. I mean Contribute in some way or the other for a social cause. I actually thought about it for a while and decided that I will actually spend weekends taking up this initiative. Somehow in the past one year I could never find 2 consecutive weekends which I could commit for this initiative. I am sure I was not too busy in life to actually not find time to commit in this but somehow I never did start doing anything about it. I always wished to have fun and so I was busy attending and throwing parties and chilling so no wonder I never could find time to do anything about this.
I went back to Chenganaserry again at the end of the year with another friend of mine. This second visit got me thinking about what I had told myself when I come here the last time and to think that I have not done anything about it in close to a year. After I got back to Mumbai, I and a very close friend of mine were drinking and I happened to bring up this point and we had a long discussion on this and at last I decided that I should try and do something about this in the new year and I have set a deadline of March 2007 to do something about this. I hope I shall be able to do something about this. First thing I plan to do is cut-off all the trips I make. I wonder why they have not got boring yet given that I go to the same place every time. I shall update you if this happens.
I am normally not a person who is into New Year Resolutions. Never made any and I even made any then always made it a point to break it pretty soon. I have kind of made a resolution to quit smoking. It was not supposed to be a New Year Resolution. It was supposed to be a Jan 10th resolution. I happened to ask another friend of mine to quit and he was like if we are either way quitting why wait until 10th.. we can start from 1st. and
So this year I have a New Year Resolution and a wish to stick to the resolve, all that needs to be checked is if I have the will to do it.
I guess nobody who knows me feels that I will be able to do it, but lets see if I can do it. A friend of mine has asked me to not try to quit as I will never be able to do it. She was more like why try and find out how weak your will is and feel bad. Why not, instead of that just not try to quit and always feel good that if you had tried you would have quit a long time ago(I don’t believe this though).. I would love to quit at least for this honest friend of mine who is sweet enough to ask me to quit quitting.
I guess I had also put in some back-ups just in case. I know I should actually be a little more willful and blah and blah but I like to be a little more practical.
I enjoy smoking, so there is no reason to quit except that it is injurious for health (I think I have a problem breathing once in a while.. though I am not sure what the reason could be). There are a little to many things that are injurious to health, but I don’t plan to stop them also. So the only allowance that I give myself is that I can smoke a couple of cigarettes when I am drinking and that’s the only time allowed. Also, just in case I start drinking everyday, the drinking is to be restricted to a maximum of twice a week.

I guess the topic is “Learning in the last one year:” but I am not going to change it as the rambling is definitely different from what it is supposed to be.. But am too lazy to change it.. So please put up with me. I promise to putup a post on “Learnings” very soon and I shall stick to the sript.


Friday, July 22, 2005

Hero Or Zero

I guess most of us must have seen THE Indian movies(I mean the non-masala movies) wherein the hero is all powerful and can do whatever he or she wishes to do(Its more like the Matrix wherein the power is more or less equivalent to the power of the mind and ones capacity to think and believe) can be done and the same will be done. u see the hero do a lot of stunts and stuff that would appear humanly impossible.. but still u can see it happenning on the screen. I always wondered why is it that the masala movies are so popular. I guess its because the audience wished to do soemthing like that and never managed to do so it is nice to watch somebody do it even if it is make-belive. Until a few years ago I used to get real enthu looking at the stunts and stuff ( Thankfully I never tried them.. I guess my body would not have agreed with my mind)

Most of the audience tend to relate more to the hero that to the villain and hence consciously or unconsciously to the hero and distance themselves to the villain. I guess that "relate" is not the right term but the actual term would be would like to be as he seems to allways have the cooler stunts.
Well I started writing but what was the point of the discussion.. Yeah right I remember.. Everbody wants to be a hero and if u guys have watched the movies u see at the end that they lived happily ever after.. I for one was carried away by the hero stuff and was really looking forrward to becomming something like that but somewhere down the line I felt what does the hero do after the battle.

I read a few years ago about a Vietnam veteran and his feeling while he was a part of the war and while he was not( He got back injured and could not walk and had to depend on his near and dear for the most basic stuff). he was hero when he was fighting and when he came back from the war initially but as time passed he realized how much of a waste of effort the war was thought though it actually gave him the few ups in his life. He could never become the person he was and either way even if he was not injured and came back from the war, Don’t u think that the experiences that he has had during the war affect the way he reacts to everything he sees around him. He would be yearning for the war and the danger of the war because that was where he was at his best. I guess this is the way that some mercenaries think too( During the African Wars). For them the war was what interested them the most and they tried to get back to it and that is where they think they are respected most.There have been stories of people who have gone through a traumatic time when at war and that they ahve never got back to themselves. They still wake up in the middle of the night sweating, thanx to some nightmare from the past. There are people who try to live the life of a soldier after they come back from war.. Is this what comes of be comming a hero?

When I think about me becoming a hero sometime and then thinking about what do I do after the objective is reached. I know for sure that once u reach a state wherein everyone looks upto you and then suddenly u r no longer in the news.. Its kind of weird feeling.. U become more like a once upon a hero and stuff. .. I tried once to be more than myself and the funny thing is that so much more is happening in my life is more important that what is happening in others' life.. I helped a few people when I was feeling like a hero( It was a good feeling).. but end of the day I guess the question one should ask is how doe sit affect my life and will my life be any fuller thanx to this.. I know I seen that the hero is supposed to sacrifice everything for the common good and stuff but still if I liked someone would I sacrifice her/him for other who dont care about others. It would be great to do something for people who would do something for others and just sacrifice all they have ut is that heroism? I am not sure.. There is no point living once u have sacrificed what u hold dearest.. This is what u live for and the portrayal of a hero as someone who sacrifices what he has for the betterment of the world is false.. A hero can perform only when his personal life is in tandem with his objectives and he exists only for as long as the things he holds dearest in his life stay. A person cannot be expected to keep on sacrificing and still be satisfied with it..

In MI-2, there was an interesting statement, "A search for a great hero must begin with something every hero requires: a villian". So Dr.Nechovich created the greatest villain a virus that was supposed to be the most dangerous/powerful of viruses and to counter this was needed the greatest hero i.e. antidote. So this antidote would work as a panacea..

So as such there can never be a greatest hero ever as each villain seems to create a new hero. And there is no limit to what one may need to sacrifice to stay a hero. So is it better to be a simple guy who does not wish to do anything out of the ordinary.

I am not sure where I started and where I landed.. But if it makes sense good else i Guess its ok.